Where to Live . . .IF you ever get to retire

From this mornings emails, here are some places to think about relocating if retirement is ever obtained:

Phoenix, Arizona
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6.The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Southern California
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

New York City
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3 . You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

Maine
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

The Deep South
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy B ob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

Colorado
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

The Midwest
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

Florida
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Purchase for the day:
(For all of you tech-freaks out there) -The iPhone is available today starting at 6 p.m. There are lines circling the AT&T store in Brea already by 7 a.m. this morning.

Natural Highs for those feeling down...

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12 A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friends.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Makes you wonder...

A friend of mine sent me this opinion of hope. She did not recal where it is that she got it, but she shared.

I was reading it and trying to figure out if I really agree with it or if I am against it...what do you think??

Hope.

A word almost everyone clings to.

I hope I can get this.

I hope I can do that.

I hope she/he comes back to me.

At what point do we realize hope is hurt's identical twin?Hope . . . is nothing but a marinade for pain.

Our hurt starts out fresh and is manageable during this time. The pain we feel is worth, or we think is worth, the outcome we "hope" will happen. As we continue to hold on to this hope, we allow everything else to pass us by. The longer we hope, the harder the pain feels and the more we now need this "thing" to happen. It has now become our goal.

We've now lost touch with reality. Hope has kidnapped reality. It is driving us away from the real world at a speed of over 100 mph. The longer we sit in that passenger side watching our lives pass by in a blur, the longer it's going to take to get back.

We are scared, yet we know we can't go on like this forever.

Our hopefulness has turned to doubtfulness.

But as in real life, if we jump out of that car, if we let go of the past, it will hurt.

I mean it's got to hurt right? Look how fast we are going. Look how long I've been holding on and hoping. I can't do that, I can't just let go and jump. What if I break my leg or what if my heart breaks or what if I lose everything?

We fear it will hurt much more by letting go than it does sitting in that car wondering when the ride will stop and where it will take us. It's natural because the outcome is uncertain and we fear the unknown.

At least hope is dependable and consistent right? We love dependable and consistent.

Letting go of hope is like pulling a band-aid off; quick so the pain is fast and over with.

Trust me it works.

You've got to let go.

We have to realize that hope turns us around and pushes us backward. There are quotes to be found that tell us life is capitalized by hope and that without hope we have nothing. Well, what if hope is just a lack of confidence or trust? Let go of hope.

It actually feels better to fail and/or succeed by your own doing than it does hurting while hoping.

I am not sure where I stand on this one.

SO, According to this UNK writer, the only hope I should ever think about wanting is this one:

Hey baby, them's just jokes . . .

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this Big-A$$ grill for one little weenie?

ha ha ha - NICE come back!

Speaking Of Chapstick

So, I was at the car dealership the other day and was sitting in the waiting room area. I had found a nice warm spot near the window with teh sun shinning in on me. I had to sit there for quite some time and needed to use my very yummy Bath & Body Works Red Currant Chapstick several times. I decided to move from my seat in the sun over to one in the shade. One I was sitting down again, I went to grab my chapstick again and was not able to locate it. At the same moment, I looked up to see a "lady" , she had taken my seat over in the sun, pick up something off the ground. I noticed it looked a lot like the same chapstick I was looking for and thought that it was a coincidence that we had the same one.

I checked my pockets & purse again. I could not find it! I then see this "lady" looking at her chapstick for several monents. She then removed the lid and looked at the top of chapstick for a few seconds and then replaced the lid. At this point, I realize that it was my chapstick she was looking at so closely.

I figure at this point she would set it down and I would be able to walk over there to retrieve it from her. BUT OH NO, was I ever WRONG! This, so called, "lady" put the chapstick in her pocket as if it were hers all along.

How disgusting is that?!?!!? I understand the whole "Finders Keepers" perspective BUT used chapstick?!?!? Seriously, you can't afford your very own, brand new chapstick? Can someone really be SO desperate to need to take a used chapstick off the floor to keep as their own??? I couldn't believe it...

MAY BE she was some sort of kleptomaniac?!?!!?

And finally, some Random for you:

Remember this movie Klepto?!?!

Be careful who you let use your Chapstick!

*Just got in the email...totally cracked me up! Thought I would share:

Why My Lips Stayed Chapped on Mother's Day

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves Chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up.
Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli.

He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end.

Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right -- their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point..................
.......... was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cats behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt.


Be careful who you let use your Chapstick!

See? Funny, right?!?!? Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Today's Message of the Day

Life is short, so break all the rules:

Forgive quickly

Kiss slowly

Love truly

Laugh uncontrollably

And

Never regret anything that made you smile.